The Farm

It has been a while since I have been to Ecuador, and recently someone asked me when I am going back… I hesitated at first and asked “like for holidays?” And he said “no, I mean, you have to go back at some point, no?” I just grabbed (a distracted) Seamus’ hand and I said: “Not really, I’ll stay in Ireland as long as I can”.

I’m opening this post with this disheartening experience because it was probably the ‘push’ I needed to admit that while I love this country, I do miss more than my family back in Ecuador. I miss some places too and one of them is the farm that belonged to my dad.

I used to drive 90-100 mins to get there, volume up, sister in the back seat, stopping to get a coffee in Giron, stopping to get some fritada in Yunguilla and as soon as my dogs heard the car wheels they were barking and jumping ready to greet me. Then, I’d leave the car and my dogs would softly grab my arm with their teeth and pull me into the house. I am not kidding, I have videos to prove this and this is something that I miss deeply and tears fill my eyes every time I think about it. Once I was inside the house, my dad had no power over the dogs, the cat and myself, if I was inside the house, they knew they could be inside too, they knew they were getting treats every five minutes, they knew it was going to be a fun and loving weekend because they were with me all the time, would always walk with me either to the meadow or to the toilet. In this latter, they’d wait outside, they were clingy but not stupid, they knew what our boundaries were. :)

I have so many memories beyond my dogs there too, like playing guitar hero with my sister and how she humiliated me playing Muse better than Bellamy or watching the Premier League with my dad and although he didn’t like football, he said he liked me around and that if he had to pay ESPN at the farm to have me during weekends, it was worth it. <3 The more I think about the farm and my dad, the more memories I have: seeing my dad polishing his wood tools, feeding the poultry, putting our boots on because it was going to be a long and messy walk, calling ‘The Duchess’ (my horse) from far so we could hear her running wild when approaching us and then feeding her some ‘panela’ (sugar cane sweets).

When dad passed away, I went back there accompanied by my mum. It was the first time she visited the place but to be fair, she was there all along. You see? she always encouraged my dad to get the farm he always dreamt of, she was great at saving money and when their marriage fell apart, she was never sour about my dad’s achievements. She was proud of the man she had chosen to be her daughters’ dad and a few days before he passed away, they both made sure to tell each other that they were sorry the marriage didn’t work out but that they were both always trying to be the best parents for me and my sister. And he was and thank God my mum still is.

It’s been over four years after my dad’s passing, the farm is still there waiting for its long process to end and probably (hopefully) waiting for me to pay a visit. The farm has brought us bittersweet moments but most importantly, it has brought us life lessons, here are the most important three for me:

• I learned that dreams come true when you invest in them.

• I learned to be brave but to walk cautiously because of the snakes around (literally and figuratively).

• I learned the value of a legacy and I am not talking about any inheritance or money.

I am lucky to be in a country where it only takes 10 minutes from the city centre to go to rural areas, where Clonakilty feels so much like Yunguilla, where the roads all look like Tarqui and in the meantime, I’m lucky to call it home and Ireland is lucky to call me a resident and take my taxes (haha) but I do need to plan a visit to Ecuador. I want to go back to the farm and feel my dad’s love in the air and I want to bring Seamus because while I think he knows my dad pretty well at this stage (he’s heard so much about him), I think he will just nod and say “ohhhhh I see” once he sees his place. Moreover, I want to cuddle my dogs, I want to meet my best friend’s baby, I want to give her a hug because she recently lost her dad too. I want to eat mellocos and hornado, and cuy, and caldo de pata and... where was I? Oh yeah and after eating so much, I want to meet my squat squad in person so by writing this post I’m manifesting it, it’s not urgent, it’s not imperative, it’s a wish.

But whatever happens tomorrow, we had those days. <3