Is it my lucky number? I don’t know. When it comes to luck, I believe puppies give me good luck. Petting a puppy is for me the equivalent of rubbing Buddah’s belly but today I have thought about this number because from today I have 90 days to accomplish something and I just realized it is quite a common number.
90 days to stay in a country (visa thing); 90 days before you tell someone you’re pregnant; 90 days fiancé (there is even a reality on this one); 90 days rehab programmes; I just read that it takes 21 days to create a habit and 90 days to create a lifestyle and for me today counts as 90 days since I came back to Cork and 90 days to finish my work placement!
I came with so many things in my luggage because I just knew that I was not going back anytime soon… Maybe I am wrong, but at least for 90 days I cannot.
Time… what a bitch! It took me a few months and a lot of guts to realize what I really wanted and now that I have it, it’s temporary. You never win but you must count each day as it comes. You must, otherwise it’ll drive you crazy. So for now, I’m in my 90 days trial, I am trying, and trying, and back to an office, back to colleagues, back to coffee and lunch at a defined time, back to basics for 90 days and then what?
Then, I’ll just wait a week and I’ll be 31 and maybe the world will surprise me, but for now I don’t allow myself to go to the end of the 90 days trial. I had a tiny taste of it last week. Last week I was so emotional, I think I cried every day, reminiscing how hard it has been for me to finally be here, I even opened up about how daddy didn’t even have 90 days since he felt sick but we made every day count and I am here thanks to him. I guess that’s why I remember him this much lately. It’s the end of an era that has changed me in so many ways… positive ways I’d dare to say but I’m the only one who can tell that change in me and who can actually understand where that change comes from.
I guess that’s the purpose of life: to change and be ok with it. Well… not ok, be really happy with the results even if you don’t know where you’re going from there.
Try, fear, doubt, it is normal, but do not let those feelings to stop you from smiling the next day.
When in doubt, cuddle a puppy. When in doubt, run. When in doubt, watch FRIENDS. When in doubt, play your favourite song with headphones on and volume up. When in doubt, watch your favourite film. When in doubt, call mum. When in doubt, hug. When in doubt, write or do whatever makes you go back to normal and if you don’t know "normal" anymore (as I once did), normal is whoever you want to be as long as you wish it enough.
90 days are 2160 hours and those are 129600 minutes... and that means I have all that to enjoy my first Irish job.
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