Ethan, my son, is 12 weeks and 4 days old and I’m back to work. Not what I had in mind nor planned when I got pregnant, but… I regret nothing and I said what I said.
I’ll try to be brief. As a mum, I have very limited time for certain activities that I used to have loads of time before but for those that don’t know, Ireland allows you to take up to 26 weeks of paid maternity leave, if you’re lucky, employers will “top up” government’s allowance and match your salary but it’s not an obligation and here is a shocking fact that I found out when I was pregnant, COVID allowances were wayyyy more than maternity benefit! But look, I’m not here to complain, if anything, this year (and it’s only the beginning of September) has been full of things to be grateful for, including those that were shocking and challenging at the time.
Back in April, I was heavily pregnant and sort of getting ready to go on maternity leave when I got a Teams message from HR asking me for my availability and I joked saying “c’mon don’t freak me out this way, I get very anxious with these calls, is everything ok?” and I thought, can’t be anything bad, I mean, I’m pregnant!! But it was bad news, the company was downsizing, and my role was affected.
In the middle of a mortgage/house hunting journey, third trimester and… wait, Ethan just woke up.
Anyway, it was very bad timing for me to get laid off, but it happened and I am very grateful with the company I left because I got compensation and the next few months were and have been financially comfortable. However, I have never been a woman who stays still, I like to exercise, I like to move, I like to talk, I like to write… clearly! Therefore, as soon as I got the formal notification, I started to look for a job.
The first approach I had with a potential employer, the lady, a very nice lady to be fair, told me I wouldn’t want to go back to work when I had my baby. You see? I had made the “mistake” of telling her that I’d be ready in September because I was pregnant, as soon as I said it, her expression changed to disappointment and I felt really bad with her reaction but she meant well, I mean, she followed to explain that that had been her case when she had her babies and she assumed that might happen to me too, so I moved on and kept my job hunting duties. I looked and was called for a couple of great interviews but the process with EY was my favourite from the beginning because back then, I was pregnant, and Ethan and Seamus were my support system all along. They were the only ones who knew and witnessed the whole process until my birthday that as a destiny’s gift, I got the job offer.
No, I don't work like this, nor I did the interviews like this, I do have a proper desk but I do remember that I was quickly accepting an invitation to an interview in this photo.
I look back now to those days of uncertainty and of course I was shocked, sad, and worried. I’m only human but the experience, business relationships, friendships and strength are priceless and today more than ever, I am once again grateful for a partner who supported me from the beginning when I made the choice to go back to work after 12 weeks of having our baby, for a baby who loves being breastfed but also takes formula as if there was no difference, for a family who miles away always for me pray, and for the friends, colleagues and former colleagues who have taken the time to say congratulations on my LinkedIn update.
However, and with a taint of irony, I am also grateful for those that for a few seconds, intentionally or not, made me feel guilty when they questioned my choice to go back to work “so soon” and some even dared to exclaim “Poor Ethan!” but I thank them because they’ve made me more decisive and confident in my choice and I made my choice for multiple reasons and I’ll name a few just for the sake of this blog post, not that I need to explain anything.
First, I chose to go back to work because despite loving my child with my whole heart and soul and would be willing to give my life for him, I also care about my wellbeing, my mental health and my career progression and if I don’t make myself happy and find myself in a good place, I can’t make anyone around me happy either and believe me, there’s nothing I enjoy most than seeing my baby happy.
Second, because I wanted to prove myself that I could while being pregnant or recently having given birth to get a job and I did and it feels amazing… and,
Third, because I can and I can because I have the support of my partner, who works to his own schedule, and a lovely babysitter.
But I think of those women who don’t have a choice, whose financial status might force them to go back to work, whose partners might be abusive and they find a temporary shelter and a way to escape at the office, whose house is too cold and electricity is too expensive and therefore, they find a warmer place at work, whose work is keeping the house clean and minding the kids and get little to no recognition from society… so, whether is a choice or not, whether we know the reasons behind or not, we should never shame a working mum. In fact, we should stop the “working mum” term completely, because let’s face it, we never call a man a “working dad”.
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It's Thursday now and I started to write this blog post last Monday evening but many duties got in the way and to be honest, I couldn’t find the words to conclude it properly, so today Ethan is 13 weeks old and since I couldn’t finish the post properly, I asked for help and I went to discuss my thoughts with Seamus who said:
“Many countries have made deep inroads into sharing paternity benefits and leaves between parents, aided by government, business and society and, at a time, where gains towards equality are reversing in some quarters, it is off ever more importance that we roll behind our working parents.”
I agree and will only add that:
“it is off ever more importance that we roll behind our parents by supporting and respecting their decisions, regardless of how they choose to make it work”.<3
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