Let me go back to when I was 16 years old. Parents got a divorce and from then on things were not easy for me. I practically became a mum for my sister but (thank God!) she did not take it as seriously as I did. She was actually the only one who said to me “you are not my mum!” and I thank her every day for that. Anyway, what I am really trying to say is that I have been a responsible kid and now woman all my life, always taking a situation in my hands to make life easier for me and others and that is not fair, it is not even right, right?
It has been two years and three months since my dad passed away and the fact that I still have to deal with some serious mess after his passing is driving me insane. I need all that to end and just have what he always wanted me to have… peace.
Daddy knew the responsibilities I “received” since a teenager, he knew his mistakes and how bad that did to me but he also knew how strong I was (and am) and I know I can deal with things and situations and I do it in the most graceful way possible but to be honest… I am exhausted.
It is time for me to have peace, time for all the legal issues to be over, time to let go that place that made my dad so happy but to me is only memories… and even in dreams I’ve told my dad I don’t want this anymore.
Don't get me wrong... I looooved my dad and always will with all my heart and I have healed... but I need to move on from everything he left and I am not asking for an easy life. I do NOT want an easy life, I like challenges and that is actually why I wanted to start over, in a different and unknown place, my Ireland now. Plus, I have been so blessed for so many things and people in my life but… for those of you who have lost someone as meaningful as my dad was to me must know how everything changes and eventually you feel normal again but I still don’t have my “eventually” and I only need one thing to reach that state.
I have done my part, my mum has done her part, lawyers have done their part, Ecuador’s system is (very slowly) doing its part (fucking bureaucracy!). I just need God, the world, the energies, the stars to align and to do their part.
So, do me a favour and send your positive prayers, energies and thoughts because there is only one little thing missing so I can finally move past from that chapter, from that concern, from that frustrating feeling… and go back to a normal (lighter) person again. I want the legal thing of the country house / farm to be done so it can be sold.
I feel it's close. It might need just a little push! <3
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