Today I ordered my very first Christmas tree, got so excited that I texted my mum and sister to tell them the great news. After all, I tell my family about any big event in my life.
My mum replied with a pm saying that she’s really happy for me but that this year, there will be no Christmas decorations at home. It was like all my childhood Christmases passed through my memory. All those happy memories are only that… memories. Waking up to a Christmas decorated house will never happen again. I will have to do it for myself. I now will have to create my own Christmas memories.
Christmas has always been a big deal in my family. Not as big as I’ve seen in other families where they organise events and presents and all that, but big enough to know it is a family thing and even though my dad used to live in a city 3 hours away from mine, he’d come at midnight to wish me a merry Christmas, give me a hug and tell me he loved me.
Would other parents do this? The thing is there are so many types of families and I think I’ve tasted a bit of them all.
I’ve seen competitive families, those that would keep comparing themselves to other families. Who’s more successful, who’s got the best student in the family, who’s got the best decorations, the more lights, who’s got the best car… exhausting to think and live like that!
I’ve seen manipulative and controlling families that would want to see their kids succeed no matter what, but their happiness was the last thing to be considered. What’s the point in having children if you’re gonna make of them what you couldn’t be? For these cases, I advise to follow The Beatles rule: let it be! (applies to parents and children).
I’ve seen the perfect family. Grandparents and their sweetest stories, loving parents with a big house and great jobs, supportive brothers and sisters, funny uncles and aunties… but even those families have dark secrets and resentments. You don’t see that though at family gatherings, God forbid to show that to the perfect neighbours! It takes real courage from a member of this type of family to admit that it is not perfect but that only happens when someone else makes it possible and unavoidable. Still, I admire these families for the dignity they carry in these situations, rather being resentful than to accept that some things could and have failed.
Anyway, I’ve also seen the broken families. Those that are not conventional, mine included. Sometimes it’s even scary to think that certain situations that they’ve been through actually happened but from those families I’ve seen the strongest and happiest people come out. Those are who understood that a past does not define you and you don’t have to be what your family was. You can be whatever you want to be cuz as my dad used to say to me, you are enough!
Last, I’ve seen the imaginary families. In my head of course, and all I know for sure is that my imaginary family includes a dog and a Christmas tree… Christmas tree, check! Dog, Georgie forever in my heart, check!
At the end of the day, we all have fucked up families. No family is really perfect but at least and for now, I will try to have my perfect Christmas tree.
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