Today I woke up with a huge hangover and I didn’t even drink last night.
Yesterday was supposed to be a wonderful day and to be fair, most of it was. First day at a job that I was looking for (what it feels like) ages. When I look back I remember I flew from Ecuador to Europe on December 31st, got a glass of champagne in the plane cuz new years hit me right there in the sky. All I had was a bag full of shoes and hopes, hopes focused on finishing my masters and getting a job and settle in Ireland.
Well… I did it! I can actually say I made that dream come true! I’ve had three jobs in one day to make it happen, I have faked being sick to stay writing my dissertation, I have not eaten to finish my day early and do more things. I’ve made big efforts to accomplish that but I freaking did it! I fought for it and won.
So, what’s the hangover for? For the sake of the situation, I will call the shot #ThePhalange
After drinking #ThePhalange I lost my shit, turned into a drama queen but there are no drama queens, there are only people who care. Yeah, I know there are ways to express and don’t make a scene but sometimes a scene is needed to see the “big picture”.
The film? "It's a beautiful war..."
#ThePhalange will always be there and sometimes it comes in unexpected shapes like the shot I drank last night and I don’t like it, but I don’t like the rain either but sometimes I have to put up with it and carry an umbrella. I don’t like mushrooms but I put them aside on my plate. I don’t like headaches but I went to the doctor so I don’t have them anymore… I wish it was this easy to get rid of #ThePhalange but the fucking phalange is not mine, so why should I live with it? It’s like a bug in the car. I don’t want it there, I hate it, so I either leave the car and run away from it or open the window so it goes away.
So, to be honest I don’t know if I can live with it. I am thinking on a solution, but I’ve only reached the conclusion that I can’t live with it IF WHEN IT FIGHTS ME, I'M THE ONLY ONE FIGHTING IT BACK.
I really need an army here, and my dragons.
I am either good alone or good in company but I am good. I will fight for what I want and believe in and fighting for my dream was a one person thing and I made it but I can also ask for help, I am never afraid to ask for help because it is ok to be helped, and to help is kindness and whatever is done with love and kindness is NEVER wasted.
I always bring my dad into anything I learn or talk and this time it was his passing, when nothing absolutely nothing helped me to get over it, Georgie came along and he helped me to fight, he was there to take me for a walk and clear my mind until the path was so clear that I had no other choice than to keep walking.
Now, I could fight #ThePhalange alone but it is not a one person task and I don’t want to and I won’t do it because that’d actually make me feel like a loser so I’ll just go for help and help can also come in different shapes, a call, a message, sometimes just means to be there, silently but there. Sometimes it means to listen nonsense things or stupid excuses but to listen. Sometimes it means to hold someone while they’re falling and shake them like a polaroid picture to tell them the world is not ending, it's just a bad day not a bad life, yeah sometimes I need to hear that and well, help sometimes means losing your own fears or old ways and “take one for the team” and by team I mean for those you love.
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