People come and go into our lives and I’ve lost enough people to feel that I have learned to be alone, I just don’t want to, and I wonder, am I afraid to lose more people? Absolutely! So, just in case I haven’t said some things to all the people I’ve loved before, I wanna leave this on a blog post.
Yesterday I was having a nice chat and I realized that I always end up bringing my dad into conversations: his experiences, his lessons, his words, anything! He’s with me, #always, and the healthy part is that I am ok with that, it does not hurt anymore, it is just a reminder of how lucky I was to have him as my dad. So, to him, to heaven, I say thank you for still being with me!
To my mum and sister. Those women are stronger than The Hulk and they transmit it. I talk to them all the time and they are my girl best friends. I would never lie to them and they are my personal cheerleaders! “Come on Vane you can do it! God’s with you! Pray from the gratitude! With all your efforts you’ll get a job soon! I bet you did better than you think!” They’re amazing but hugs cannot be given through whatsapp messages and I miss those. I miss crying in my mum’s arms, I miss cuddling my sister at nights and talk about anything or not even talk and just scroll Instagram while gossiping. I’ve seen these ladies through thick and thin lately and to them, I admire you and am proud of you!
To my George. Only God knows how much I love that dog, how his only presence made an impact on me and saved me, how much I miss him every single day and how irreplaceable he is. I am not going to have a dog for a while. I can’t and I don’t want to. I could die for dogs but if it’s not George I just don’t want to. George was my therapy, George was my best friend, George would forgive me anything, George would still be happy to see me, George would never judge my decisions, George understands and loves unconditionally. He only cared how much I loved him and I still do. Thinking about him makes me smile and cringe, I can’t think of him too much because it physically hurts how much I miss him. But to him, I love you baby, will always always always do.
To my friends, my true friends. They can be counted with one hand’s fingers. Two of them born in June which I think it’s kind of my lucky month. I always get good news in June but anyway… I don’t talk to them too often but I know they’re there for me. I miss them too, to hang out, to have a cup of coffee, or a shot of Zhumir. I sometimes feel the urge to call them but I don’t wanna bother them and time zones suck but when I catch up with them is just like when we were 18, kids with no idea about life… well to be honest I still know nothing about life and to them, I am proud of the people you’ve become, I love you so much and wish nothing but the best in your lives.
To the friends that I’ve lost. To be in a relationship (romantic or friendship only) is a two-way street and it might have been my fault or yours, but that’s irrelevant. It just hurts no longer having you in my life, you know who you are. I have always sucked in keeping touch and being a “best friend”. I’ve never been part of a close group of friends or like we call them in Ecuador, a jorga. I always end up leaving whatsapp groups or losing contact and I don’t notice it until it’s too late. To them, I am sorry. I still think of you, pray for you and hope the best for you.
To all the boys I’ve loved before. The first one is The Voldemort, who shall not be named. I don’t even pronounce his name because it gives me the chills. Such a toxic relationship that ended in a restraining order and finally with me moving on. We had good times too, but the brain works in such amazing ways that I can’t remember them clearly. To him, (rolling eyes). The Daniel. Short story but very meaningful to me. When I listen Pink’s “just give me a reason” I remember him, he taught me we’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again. To him, it warms my heart to see you happy! Last, The Santi. I could write a whole post on him but I think we’ve both made our thoughts clear and had our closures. All I can say is that I could write endless “thank you” notes to him for the way he was during our relationship and for keeping me alive when I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning, thanking him for the way he was with my family and friends, and of course for the way he is with George. I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me for the way I left, sometimes I can’t believe I did it but to make the story short, when daddy died, it was a reminder for me that life is way too short and you just have to go for it!!! To him, go for what makes you shine inside and I am deeply sorry that for me, the thought of leaving Ecuador and work in an English speaking country was IT!
Thinking about the exs has never been my favourite thing to do though. I mean, I have no problems talking about them when I am asked to, but I don’t easily talk about them because they HAD their place in my life, in past tense. So let’s move on to the present…
To Seamus. He makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, he makes me mad up until the point I want to throw him a pillow (yes, only a pillow!). Not an easy guy to deal with, but definitely worth the effort. He has soooo many stories and I enjoy every single one of them, even those that include ex gfs or flings. After all, failed relationships teach you to be a better person so the way I’ve put this into perspective is that I have a better version of Seamus. To Seamus, thank you for always looking for solutions, I know I am hard work too but as long as we can quote The Office together, travel, have pints and you sending me videos of dogs to make me smile, we’ll be more than fine!
Last, to all the people I’ve met in Ireland. They make me love this country every day a little bit more. A country so welcoming, so unpredictable, so green and full hope, with people sooooo fun, so unpredictable too, so nice. And I don’t know what my future will be like but to all the people I’ve met here, let the craic keep going!
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